A man and a woman get married

After twenty years of marriage, the wife tragically passes away before her time. As they are carrying the casket in the church, one of the pall bearers bumps it on a corner, and from the casket they hear a gasp. The woman climbs out of the casket, it's a miracle, she's on the news, people praise the Lord, and she lives another twenty years. As they're carrying the casket through the church for the second time twenty years later, the husband murmurs to the other pall bearers, "Careful, watch out for that corner..."...

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Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.” The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and...

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Penis modification technique

A couple was watching a documentary about an African tribe. They learned that when each male member of this tribe reaches a certain age , he has a string with a weight attached to it, tied around his penis. After a while, the weight stretches the penis until it’s 20 inches long. Later that evening, as the man was getting out of the shower , his wife said ,”let’s try the African string and weight technique hon” The husband agreed and they tied a string with a weight to his penis. A few days later, the wife asked , “How is our little experiment...

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Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada....

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Einstein was wrong

My girlfriend makes something out of nothing all the time...

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Father: “Son, you were adopted.”

Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!” Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”...

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What do you get when you cross a dog and an antenna?

A Golden Receiver....

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