because I'm rarely ever included in things either
Thứ Ba, 22 tháng 5, 2018
Thứ Hai, 21 tháng 5, 2018
A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this…
‘Looking for man with these qualifications; won’t beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.’ The next day her door bell rings, looking down on her doorstep was a man with no arms and legs. He says “Hi, I’m Bob. I have no arms so I won’t beat you up and no legs so I won’t run away.” She says, “What makes you think you are so great in bed?”
He smiles and says “how do you think I rang your fucking door bell?”
So the Pope is very early for his flight.
He asks his driver on his way to the airport if he could drive around for a while because they have time to kill and he hasn't driven a car since becoming the pope.
Naturally, he's a bit rusty, so he's driving poorly, when suddenly he sees police lights behind him. He pulls over and when the officer comes up to the window his eyes go wide. He says to the pope "Hold on for a minute," and goes back to his car to radio the chief.
Cop: "Chief we have a situation. I've pulled over an important figure."
Chief: "How important? A governor or something?"
Cop: "No sir. He's bigger."
Chief: "So, what? a celebrity or something?"
Cop: "More important, sir."
Chief: "A major politician?"
Cop: "No sir, he's much more important."
Chief: "WELL WHO IS IT!?"
Cop: "Well actually I'm not sure. But the pope's his driver."
A married couple is lying in bed one night....
A married couple is lying in bed one night.
The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, she gets up and starts stripping in front of him.
The husband is confused and asks, "Why are you taking off your clothes"?
His wife replies, "You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay".
The husband says, "No, not at all".
His wife asks angrily, "Well, what the hell were you doing then"?
I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book.
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