Why do white girls travel in odd-numbered groups?

They literally can't even.

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How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take to tell a joke?

How many Alzheimer’s patients does it take to tell a joke?

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100 years ago everyone had horses and only the rich had cars. Now everyone has a car and only the rich have horses

The stables have turned

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I have two conditions in my will...

1) I want my remains spread around Disney World

2) I do not want to be cremated

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My dad just called a family meeting.

Me, mum, my two brothers, my sister and grandma hurried into the living room and gathered round an IKEA box laying on the floor.

"Dad, it's some flat pack furniture, what do you need the whole family for?" I asked.

"Well, it must be these strange Swedish customs", he replies, "It says assembly required".

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eBay is so useless.

I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.

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I went to the liquor store on my bicycle and bought a bottle vodka, put it in the basket on the front and then it occurred to me that if I fall or something happens, the bottle might break, so I drank it all right there and it's a good thing I did...

...'cause I fell 7 times on the way home...

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