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Chủ Nhật, 3 tháng 6, 2018

When I was little, my dad used to feed me alphabet soup, claiming that I loved it

I didn't really; he was just putting words in my mouth.

Weekend

A young guy goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says, “Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas. “

Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. “How many sales did you make today?” The kid says, “One.” The boss says, “Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?”

Kid says, “$101,237.64.” Boss says, “$101,237.64? What the hell did you sell?”

Kid says, “First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer.”

The boss said, “A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?”

Kid says, “No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, ‘Well, your weekend’s shot, you might as well go fishing”

Bought a dog off a blacksmith today

As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door

A guy gets thrown out of a bar.

Two priests approach the guy that was thrown out. He looks at the first priest and says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest shakes his head.

The guy looks at the second priest and says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The second priest also shakes his head.

"Okay, let me prove it to you." The guy walks back into the bar.

The bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back already?"

I just had a physical. The doctor said: “Don’t eat anything fatty.”

I said, “Like bacon and burgers?”

He said, “No fatty, don’t eat anything!”

Why does Michael J. Fox make really good milkshakes?

Because he’s rich and can afford the best ingredients