A Jewish man, a Frenchman, and an Italian man were bragging about their sex lives.

The Jewish man said, “Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with schmaltz (chicken fat), we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end!”

The Frenchman boasted, “Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butter. We then made passionate love and she screamed for 10 minutes!”

The Italian man said, “Well, last week my wife and I also had sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil. We made love, and she screamed for over six hours!”

The other two were stunned.

The amazed Frenchman asked, “What could you have possibly done to make your wife scream for six hours?”

The Italian said…………”I wiped my hands on the bedspread.

Read More

Yo momma's so fat, that when she fell

no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up.

Read More

A McDonald's grill operator starts kicking off about being underpaid.

He begins to beat the shit out of the other staff. The police arrive and he kicks their ass. The FBI turn up and he whip's their butt too. The CIA, the military, even the U.S. Navy SEALs can't stop the guy.

The manager thinks for a moment, then pushes another grill operator into the fray who swiftly takes out the angry cook!

Everyone looks at the manager, who just shrugs and says, "guess you've just gotta fight fryer with fryer".

Read More

A new guy starts working at the local mental asylum.

After giving him some general indications, the director tells him to ask any question he may have.

-Yes, director, I have one. How do we know if a patient is cured and ready to leave the asylum?

-Well -says the director-, once per year, we gather some of them and ask them a question. If they answer it correctly, then they are cured and are free to go.

The director gathers three patients for a demonstration.

-So, resident 121, what is six times six?

-One thousand? -says the first one.

-Well no, that's another year here for you.

The director proceeds to ask the second patient the same question.

-Well, the answer is February.

-My God... No, no it isn't. You are staying here one more year.

Finally, the director asks the question to the third patient.

-What is six times six?

-Obviously it 36.

The director cheers the third patient and proceeds too comunicate the asylum staff he is ready to leave. The new guy asks the patient before he leaves:

-Good job answering correctly. How did you know it?

-Well, it was easy. I divided one thousand by February.

Read More

A man had been drinking at a bar all night and pukes down the front of his shirt.

“Shit I can’t go home like this my wife will kill me” The bartender sees this and says “put a $20 bill in you pocket and when she sees the puke tell her some drunk puked on you and gave you $20 for dry cleaning”. So the guy goes home and his wife sees the puke on his shirt and asks what happened, to which he replies “a drunk guy puked on me and he gave me $20 to pay for dry cleaning”. To which his wife says “Ok well then why do you have $40 in your hand?” “Because he also shit in my pants.”

Read More

A Mexican kid meets Donald Trump and says to him, “I want to be President one day.”

Trump says, “Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?”

The kid replies, “You know what, I’ve changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.”

Read More

Why do you never see gay men in wheelchairs?

Because you can’t be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.

Read More