With a hijab
Thứ Sáu, 29 tháng 6, 2018
Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only one space available in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.”
The angel asked Stormy if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Stormy took off her top and said: "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”
The angel thanked Stormy, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushed it without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said: "Okay, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven.”
Stormy was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?”
"Sorry, Stormy," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are."
Went and got my first gun yesterday
Went and got a 9mm pistol I go to pay for the gun and the cashier says strip down facing me
Realizing this is probably because of gun wackos I did as she instructed
When the shrieking from customers and alarms stopped I realized the cashier was referring to how I should swipe my credit card.
A bass player joke.
A dad gets his son a bass and lessons for his birthday. When the son comes home from his first lesson dad asks, " what did you learn at your first bass lesson son?"
"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4...5 notes on the E string!"
"That's great son!"
The next week rolls around.
"What did you learn at your second bass lesson son?"
"Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4..5 notes on the A string!"
"That's great son!"
The next week rolls around.
"What did you learn at your third bass lesson son?"
"I blew it off I had a gig."
How I accidentally crushed a vegan customer's soul at Subway ;-;
So I work at Subway, yesterday I had a chick come in, she told me she wanted a Veggie Delight. As I went to get the bread she asked me if I could change my gloves cause she was vegan and I had been handling meat. I did that, no problem, perfectly reasonable request. I get her bread, toast it and put all the veggies she wants on it, I start to wrap up her sandwich when she says, "can I get some mayo?"
...
I look at her, she's looking at me, I pick up the mayo, I'm waiting for her to be like haha jk.
Nothing.
Me: "You know mayonnaise has eggs in it right?"
THIS. GIRL. JUST. STOOD. THERE. SILENT.
She stood there for a second.
V: "N-no it doesn't, I get mayo every time, are you sure?"
Me: "Yes ma'am, mayo has egg whites in it."
I felt so horrible, she stood there with such a distraught and defeated face, I had shattered this poor girl's world.
I had a couple people waiting so I had to get this lady out of here.
Me: "Would you like the mayo on it ma'am?"
V: "Sure, go ahead."
She sounded so done, so defeated,
So I gave her her mayo, wrapped her sandwich up and charged her for her sandwich, she was silent the whole time. She took her sandwich and started walking out.
Me: "Thank you for coming, have a nice day!"
She just looked at me, sighed, "yea, I'll try" and walked out.
And that's the story of how I taught a vegan that mayonnaise is, in fact, not vegan.
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