I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"
Thứ Hai, 2 tháng 7, 2018
Wife was cleaning 12 year old son's bedroom
When she finds a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags. She asks her husband "what do we do?"
Husband says "I'm no expert, but I wouldn't fucking spank him."
Plot Twist
A hotel receptionist gets a call*
Man: Hello, I'm in room 410, you need to send someone to my room immediately. I'm having an argument with my wife and she's saying that she's going to jump out of the window.
Receptionist: I'm sorry sir, but that's a personal problem. We cannnot help you with that.
Man: Listen you idiot. The window is not opening and that's a MAINTENANCE problem.
Chủ Nhật, 1 tháng 7, 2018
The first day of first grade
The teacher asked the children what they had done over the summer. One little boy raised his hand and said, "I went for a ride on the choo-choo." "That's very nice," the teacher said, "but now that we are in first grade, we don't say choo-choo, we say train." The next child raised her hand and said, "I had to have an operation on my tummy this summer." "I'm sorry to hear that," said the teacher, "but now that we are in first grade, we don't say tummy, we say stomach." The third child stood up, feeling quite smart and grown-up, and said, "This summer we got to go to Disney World and I met Winnie the Shit!"
The wife came early and found her husband making love with a young attractive woman.
"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife and mother of your children! I am leaving you"
The husband replied "Hang on a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened"
"Go ahead", she sobbed. " but probably they will be the last words you will say to me"
And the husband began " Well, I was getting in to the car to drive home, this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out, and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days. So , in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid that you'll put on weight.
The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have a good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair of the same.
The husband took a quick breath and continued- ' She was so grateful for my understanding and help and that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said ' Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'
That's how we ended up on bed.
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