Thailand reunites boys with their families.
Thứ Tư, 11 tháng 7, 2018
There is no "f" in lieutenant
A major arrives at a remote post. “Where’s your lieutenant?” he asks a private.
“Sir, there isn’t a lieutenant assigned to this post.”
“I was told there was.”
“No, sir, no lieutenant here.”
“I’m pretty sure there is.”
The private thinks about it for a moment. “Well, Major, if I may ask you a question, imagine you took the word ‘rifle’ and removed the letter ‘f’, what would remain?”
“Well, ‘rile’ I suppose.”
“That’s what I thought. And sir, if you took the word ‘draft’ and removed the letter ‘f’, what would remain?”
Amused, the major answers, “‘Drat’ I guess.”
“And sir, if you took the word ‘lieutenant’ and removed the letter ‘f’, what would remain?”
The major says, “There is no ‘f’ in lieutenant.”
“That’s what I have been trying to tell you, sir. There is no effin’ lieutenant.”
Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building.
One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discoveredthat if you jump from the top of this building-by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.
The 2nd Man says: "What are you a nut? There is no way in hell that could happen."
1st Man: "No it's true let me prove it to you." So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.
The 2nd Man tells him: "You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke."
1st Man: "No, I'll prove it again" and again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.
2nd Man: "Well what the hell, it works, I'll try it." he jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors... and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.'
Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker: "You know, Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk.
Thứ Ba, 10 tháng 7, 2018
A business man met a beautiful woman and agreed to spend the night with her for $800.
So they did.
Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to beautiful woman, calling the payment “RENT FOR APARTMENT.”
On the way to his office he regretted what he had promised, deciding that the whole event was not worth the price.
So, he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following note:
Dear Madam,
Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment.
I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment I was under the impression that:
1) it had never been occupied
2) that there was plenty of heat
3) that it was small enough to make me cozy and feel at home.
Last night, however, I found it had been previously occupied, that there was no heat, and it was entirely too large.
Upon receipt of the note, the woman immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note:
Dear Sir,
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, you probably did not push the right buttons to turn on the heat..
As for the space, the apartment is, indeed, extremely cozy, but if you obviously did not have furniture of the right size to fill it, please don’t blame the landlady!
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