Tony and Maria get married...

...and they're spending their honeymoon night at her mother's house. Maria, being a good Italian girl, is a virgin, and has never seen a naked man. The newlyweds go upstairs and start getting undressed. Tony takes his shirt off, and Maria shrieks and runs downstairs where her mother is making some tomato sauce. "Momma, momma! Tony has a hairy chest!" cries Maria. "Men are supposed to have hairy chests, go back upstairs." So Maria sheepishly goes back upstairs. When she gets back, Tony starts pulling off his pants, and again, Maria shrieks and...

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A lawyer had just bought a fancy new car,...

...and was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took off the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it would never be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling, "MY BENTLEY DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" "You're a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does that have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked. "HA! You lawyers are...

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So what if i don't know what "Armageddon" means?

It's not the end of the world....

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Three men die and go to Heaven

They meet Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, who greets them and says "So Heaven is a vastly large place for everyone to spend the rest of eternity, and God has decided to grant vehicles to everyone upon admission, and he asks only one question, the answer to which determines what vehicle you are granted." So St Peter goes up to the first guy and asks "How many years have you been married and how faithful was your marriage?" The first guy responds "I've been married 20 years and cheated on my wife 4 times." A rusted Geo Metro appears suddenly, St...

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I met a Jewish girl today and she asked for my number

I told her we use names here...

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A man walks up to a woman at a nude beach...

A man walks up to a woman at a nude beach. "Hi, my name is Ed." he says. "What's it short for?" she asks. Thoughtful, he looks down a moment, before answering, "I dunno, it's always been like that."...

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Aretha Franklin, The Undisputed Queen Of Soul, Dies At Age 76

Aretha Franklin, The Undisputed Queen Of Soul, Dies At Age 76 Aretha Franklin — the first woman to be inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, dubbed the Queen of Soul for powerful anthems like "Respect" and "Chain of Fools" — died on Thursday at her home in Detroit. August 16, 2018 at 10:26PM via Digg https://ift.tt/2vMMu...

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