How do you ruin a joke?
Thứ Hai, 20 tháng 8, 2018
I am Robin Hood, I take from the rich to give to the poor!
A poor peasant is traveling the woody paths of Barnsdale, when a hooded man walks up to him.
Robin Hood: "HALT!"
"I am Robin Hood, I take from the rich to give to the poor, now give me all your money!"
Peasant: "I have nothing, I've been hungry for years you see"
Robin Hood: "Very well then poor man, take this!"
Robin Hood gives the poor man a sack, filled to the brim with gold coins. He then fades away into the forest.
The peasant stares in disbelief, exclaiming: "I can't believe it, I'm Rich!"
"HALT!"
An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman are crossing a bridge
An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman are crossing a bridge, when suddenly a bald old woman appears.
"I am the witch who guards this bridge. Ye may only pass if you present to me a challenge which I cannot do."
The Englishman steps up first:
"I was the best footballer in my hometown. I bet you cannot kick a football further than me."
So the Englishman kicks a football, and it goes off into the distance, 5 football fields or so away. However the bald witch steps up and easily kicks the football twice as far. The Scotsman is next to challenge the witch.
"I was almost picked for the Olympic swimming team. I bet you can't swim to the other side of the river and back faster than me."
So the witch and the Scotsman jump in the river, but to the Scotsman's surprise the bald witch easily beats him to the other side and back.
The Irishman is the last to challenge the witch. He pauses for a moment, then pulls a comb out of his jacket pocket, looks the witch in the eyes, and starts combing his hair back.
"I bet you can't do this."
BUBBA died in a FIRE!!
Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Darryl and Gary.
The three men had always done everything together!!!!!
Darryl arrived first and when the mortician pulled back the sheet Darryl said, “Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over, and Darryl said, “Nope, ain’t Bubba.”
The mortician thought this was rather strange. Then he brought Gary in to identify the body.
Gary looked at the body and said, “Yup he’s pretty well burnt up. Roll him over.” The mortician rolled him over and Gary said, “No, it ain’t Bubba.”
The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”
Gary said, “Well, Bubba had two assholes.”
“What? He had two assholes?” asked the mortician.
Yup, I’ve never seen ‘em, but everyone knew he had two assholes. Every time we went to town, folks would say, “Here comes Bubba with them two assholes!”
One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story.
The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Suzy raises her hand.
"My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched."; Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands." The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story.
"Well," Johnny replied, "Don't fuck with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking.
This Jenga Illusion Will Blow Your Mind For A Brief Moment
This Jenga Illusion Will Blow Your Mind For A Brief Moment
We just wish the reveal would've come a bit later.
August 20, 2018 at 05:36AM
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