Being ugly everyday sucks
Thứ Ba, 21 tháng 8, 2018
America’s Invisible Pot Addicts
America’s Invisible Pot Addicts
More and more Americans are reporting near-constant cannabis use, as legalization forges ahead.
August 20, 2018 at 07:39PM
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My mom opened the door and caught me masturbating.
I looked straight into her eyes and said "shut the door!" Her face turned all red and she yelled at me "get inside!!!"
Dave cannot make his wife cum.
He goes to the doctor and says, "Look, I just can't bring my wife to orgasm in bed, it's a real problem."
The doctor says, "Well, is it too warm?"
"Yes, it's absolutely sweltering"
"Then get some air-con"
"I can't afford air-con, I'm too poor"
"Well, Dave, do you have a good mate?"
"Yeah, I've got a mate Francis"
"Well, ask your mate Francis to stand over you and the mrs with a towel, wafting you both to cool you down, that might help."
So, Dave asks Francis for this favor, who then agrees to help him. That night, Dave is in bed with his wife, pounding away with Francis fanning them with the towel but it's doing nothing for her.
Dave says, "Well this isn't working, let's swap." So Dave takes the towel and starts wafting Francis, who is now shagging Dave's wife.
Not long after, Dave's wife goes "Oooh... oh that's it, I'm about to cum, I'm going to cum!"
Dave shouts, triumphantly, "You see, Francis?! That's how you waft a fucking towel!"
My girlfriend and I are trying this whole "long distance relationship" thing.
I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Also, the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.
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