A major arrives at a remote post. “Where’s your lieutenant?” he asks a private.
“Sir, there isn’t a lieutenant assigned to this post.”
“I was told there was.”
“No, sir, no lieutenant here.”
“I’m pretty sure there is.”
The private thinks about it for a moment. “Well, Major, if I may ask you a question, imagine you took the word ‘rifle’ and removed the letter ‘f’, what would remain?”
“Well, ‘rile’ I suppose.”
“That’s what I thought. And sir, if you took the word ‘draft’ and removed the letter ‘f’, what would remain?”
Amused, the major answers, “‘Drat’ I guess.”
“And sir, if you took the word ‘lieutenant’ and removed the letter ‘f’, what would remain?”
The major says, “There is no ‘f’ in lieutenant.”
“That’s what I have been trying to tell you, sir. There is no effin’ lieutenant.”
