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Chủ Nhật, 9 tháng 9, 2018

Doc, you gotta help me!

A man goes to the doctors and says "Doc, you gotta help me!"

The doctor says "What's your problem?"

The guy says "Every morning I wake up with my 'morning flagpole'.. I give the missus a quick one, then go to work. On the way to work I car pool with the next door neighbor's wife who gives me a blow job during the ride to work.. Once I get to work I do some work and at morning tea time I go into the photocopy room and have it off with the one of the young office girls. At lunch I take my secretary out to a hotel and give her a good bonking.. For afternoon tea I give the boss's wife a good servicing.. I then go home and slip the maid a few inches.. Then at night I give the missus another screw......"

"Well" said the doctor. "What's your problem?"

The guy says "Well, it hurts when I masturbate."

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

His original name was John Kennedy

They added the F later to pay respects

I saw a sign that made me shit myself.

It said ‘bathroom closed’.

The problem with Nearly-Headless Nick

is that he is a poorly-executed character

As told by my Russian wife

A man is at a bar. He sees a good looking woman, but she's a little older. Maybe in her 40s. He goes up to her and starts a conversation.

Halfway through she seems interested and asks an interesting question. She asks how he feels about a little mother-daughter action.

The man is intrigued. She is nice enough by herself, but her daughter must be amazing. He agrees and they go back to her place.

They enter the house and go upstairs. The lady knocks on a door and gently whispers:

"Mom, are you awake?"

Everyone debates butts vs. boobs, but nothing beats a pretty face.

Except for Chris Brown