My girlfriend starting crying tears of joy when I asked if she'd like to be in a foursome....

All I asked was "Will, you, Mary, me?"

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My friend was thinking of getting a labrador.

I had to talk him out of it: "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?!?"

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This

This 
The presence of mind shown here by the wide receiver is just excellent.

September 12, 2018 at 09:21PM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2x69pxs

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Did you hear about the penis-less man who ejaculated ?

He just came out of nowhere.

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Daughter: What does gays mean?

Me: Well you know mum and dad love each other - two men can love each other the same way

Her: So what's 'penetrating gays'?

Me: Er... read me the whole sentence

Her: "She stared at him with a penetrating gaze"

Me: Oh

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62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville".

Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.

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My wife says she’s leaving me due to my obsession with porn,

I wish she would see it from my POV.

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