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Thứ Ba, 18 tháng 9, 2018

A woman dies and her spirit goes to judgment

God tells her that she's not been very good but also not evil, so she can choose heaven or hell. She asks to become an angel in heaven of course.

An angel takes her on a tour of heaven. Behind a closed door she hear tortured screams. "What is that?", she asks. The angel replies "don't worry, they're just drilling holes in someones back to fit the wings in". They keep walking. Behind another closed door there are more screams. "Don't worry- they're just drilling a hole in the head to hold the halo".

The woman yells "If this is heaven, take me to hell!"

"But you'll be brutally raped there all day for eternity!" replies the angel.

Says the woman- "I already got holes for that!"

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter F.

To the women who say "Men are only interested in one thing"

Have you ever considered being more interesting?

Orion's Belt is a waist of space.

Bad pun, I know. 3 stars at best.

What does a racist joke and crossing the street have in common?

White people look both ways before they start...

A BOOB, a VAGINA and an ASSHOLE are debating as to who is the greatest of them all.

BOOB: I give milk to new born babies and I'm attractive to the opposite sex, that's why I'm the greatest.
VAGINA: that's nothing. I give birth to babies and I accommodate the opposite sex, that's why I'm the greatest.
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Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to speak!

I found a wallet what do i do?

I found a wallet with 20 dollars in it. I wasn't sure how to proceed, but then I thought, "What would Jesus do?"

So I turned it into wine.