"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" usually mean the same thing

...except at a funeral

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Dear posters of r/Jokes, could you try to be a bit more original?

My friends are really tired of hearing the same jokes over and over again.

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Pickup Artists Are Still A Thing. And They Want You To Know They’ve Evolved

Pickup Artists Are Still A Thing. And They Want You To Know They’ve Evolved
In 2005, Neil Strauss's "The Game" changed how we date. Now "Mystery," the pickup artist featured in the book, is trying to disassociate from the toxic effects of the industry he helped launch. For more on the “manosphere,” watch the new BuzzFeed News series "Follow This" on Netflix.

September 23, 2018 at 11:00PM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2NAFgk8

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I told my wife, "You are so skinny."

Then I grabbed her by the love handles and said, "Just look at all this skin."

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At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang?”

The professor replied, “Sorry. No Time.”

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I used to date my english teacher

but she broke up with me due to incorrect use of the colon

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My boyfriend was dying. I was by his bedside when he said something with a weak voice, "There's something I must confess."

"Shhh" I said "There's nothing to confess. Everything is alright."

"No, I must die in peace" he said, "I had sex with your sister, your best friend and your co-worker."

"I know" I whispered, "That's why I poisoned you... Now close your eyes."

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