Quick tip for all you girls: If I bring you your breakfast in bed you are supposed to say things like
"Thank you sweetie" or maybe "Aww, I love you too!"
And not things like
"Who the hell are you?" and "How the fuck did you get into my house?"
Thứ Bảy, 13 tháng 10, 2018
Squirrels In Church
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer
& consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there, & they should not interfere with God's divine will.
At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrel's & made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue; they took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.
Last night I rode my bike to a bar here in town
and I had a few beers, followed by a few bourbons and a number of shots..... I still had the sense to know I was over the limit. That's when I decided to do what I have never done before, I locked up my bike in a secure place, and I took a cab home. Sure enough, there was a police check point on the way home, and since it was a cab, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This came as a great relief and a surprise because I had never driven a cab before, I don't even know where I got it from, and now that it is in my garage, I don't know what to do with it.
Construction Worker Decides To Knock Down Concrete Railing With A Forklift, Things Go As Badly As You'd Think
Construction Worker Decides To Knock Down Concrete Railing With A Forklift, Things Go As Badly As You'd Think
We're trying to figure out how exactly they thought this would work, and we're coming up empty.
October 12, 2018 at 09:05PM
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