It was motherfucking gold.
Chủ Nhật, 4 tháng 11, 2018
A very loud, grossly over-weight, and very unattractive woman walked into Walmart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning, and welcome to Walmart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no! They ain't no twins! Oldest one's nine, and the fat one's seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
In a very pleasant tone, the greeter responded, "I'm neither blind nor stupid. I just couldn't believe that you got laid twice."
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase
He asks, “What are you doing?”
She replies, “I’m off to New York. I read that prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free.”
Later, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
“Where are you going?” she asks.
“I’m coming with you. I want to see how you live on $800 a year.”
An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting with St. Peter at the pearly gates when all of a sudden she hears the most bloodcurdling screams.
"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades for wings."
The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation.
Ten minutes later, there are more loud and dreadful screams "Oh my God," says the old lady, "now what is happening?"
"Not to worry," says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit the halo."
"I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm going to hell."
"You can't go there," says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and sodomized."
"Maybe so," says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes for that.
A man's fence is broken and he neess to hire someone to fix it
So he goes online to find someone to fix his fence for him but he is unsatisfied with their prices, that is until he finds a buddhist monk who will do it for free.
He is initially suprised by this and assumes it might be a fake listing, but since it's free he feels like he has nothing to lose so he hires him.
Sure enough a few days later the monk shows up with a toolkit in hand, the man shows the monk that his fence has been ripped out of the ground and that he needs to replace it.
About an hour later the monk walks in and tells the man he is finished, and when the man goes outside he sees that the fence is perfect, thinking he can't just tell the monk to leave after doing such a great job for free he invites the monk inside for a cup of coffee.
The man then starts talking to the monk, "It suprised me to see a monk offering services for fence repair, why do you do it?" he asked
the monk replied "Religious reasons."
The man then says "I don't know much about buddhism, why do you need to repair fences?"
"Because" the monk replied, "You would be suprised at the amount of karma you get for reposting."
Edit: some spelling
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