A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned, “And you will dialogue!"...

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Why don't blind people skydive?

It scares the shit out of their dogs....

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"It doesn't matter how many times you fall, it's how many times you get back up."

"That's not how field sobriety tests work," the police officer replied....

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Two witches were arguing about who was the better witch

One rainy day inside the coven HQ, Meredith and Wendy were arguing about who was the better witch. "I'm the superior spellcaster", boasted Meredith. She raised her wand into the air, and conjured up a small cloud. It snowed over Wendy's head, dropping hailstones the size of marbles. "Oh yeah?" Retorted Wendy as she shook out her hat and sauntered to the window. With a flick of her wrist, she pointed her wand outside. "Tsk, is that all you got?" Meredith smirked. But a moment later the storm clouds cleared away, and the sun was shining. With an...

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I just ended a 5 year relationship

It’s ok though. Wasn’t my relationship....

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I was buying a large Christmas tree...

... and the cashier said, "Whoa, are you going to put that up yourself?" I said, "No, you sicko, I'm putting it in my living room!"...

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Four engineers get into a car. the car won't start.

The mechanical engineer says : "its a broken starter" The electrical engineer : "dead battery" The chemical engineer: "impurities in the gasoline" The IT engineer: "Hey guys , i have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in". ​ ​ ​...

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