A gofuckyourself.
Thứ Ba, 25 tháng 12, 2018
A man walks into an LGBTQ centre.
He walks up to the front desk and introduces himself. "Hello, I identify as a chocolate bar. Can I join?"
The receptionist replies "Sir, that's disgraceful! You're mocking the community. We're going to have to ask you to leave."
"You can't call me sir!" The man exclaims. "I use her/shey pronouns."
Why It's Hard To Escape Amazon's Long Reach
Why It's Hard To Escape Amazon's Long Reach
The company is known as the "everything store," but in its dogged pursuit of growth, Amazon has come to dominate more than just ecommerce.
December 24, 2018 at 11:34PM
via Digg http://bit.ly/2V6V9im
A wife yells at her husband
Wife: "How could you do this to me?!"
Husband : "what did I do?"
Wife: " You slept with my sister, you bastard!"
Husband : "Well, when I went to work she was lying naked on my table and you know she's an attractive woman, what did you expect me to do?"
Wife: "The fucking autopsy."
The brave captain
My dad told me this joke a few years ago and I thought it was pretty funny. Not sure if this has been posted before though so sorry if it has!
There once was a brave sailor with a very small crew on a very small ship. One day, while they were fishing, a ship filled with pirates was on the way to pillage the small fishing ship. The first mate, worried about what was to come, informed the captain about the pirate ship.
"Captain! There's a ship filled with armed pirates! We have to surrender!"
"No!" The captain said. "Fetch me my red shirt, and we will fight back!"
The first mate, despite being confused, had faith in the captain, and hence fetched the red shirt. The captain put it on, and they went to battle. The crew fought valiantly, and surprisingly, they won!
A few weeks passed of peaceful fishing, until one day, another pirate ship appeared. Even bigger than the last! The first mate, yet again warned the captain.
"Captain!! There's no way we can beat them! Their ship is way too big!"
"No!" The captain bellowed. " Fetch me my red shirt, and we will fight back."
The first mate reluctantly agreed, and off they went to battle. Surprisingly, they won the fight again!
The first mate, impressed but also confused by these events, confronted the captain.
"How do we manage to win every fight? Does it have something to do with the red shirt?"
The captain replied. "Oh, you see, I wear the red shirt so that when I am wounded, our crew doesn't see me bleed, making them more confident in me, helping us win the fights!"
The first mate was impressed. His captain was so brave! Hence he no longer felt any doubt in his captain.
A few months passed after these events, until one day, and entire fleet of pirates arrived, all ready to pillage the small ship. The first mate, already mentally prepared for this, told the captain.
"Would you like me to fetch you your red shirt?"
"No." The captain replied. "Fetch me my brown pants."
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