Me: sipping toast why?
Thứ Năm, 27 tháng 12, 2018
Found this one in the local paper and translated it
So an honest lawyer, a hard working politician and Santa are walking and they find a 100€ note on the ground. Who is going to pick it up?
Santa because the first two don't exist.
[Serious] Just a reminder to be careful when telling jokes that may be offensive.
A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at a bar.
I decided to break the ice with the new friends with a few jokes, most of which went down very well...until I decided to tell a few more offensive ones...and picked the worst possible one to start with.
Here's the joke I told:
"What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath?
Throw your washing (laundry if you're American) in."
One of the new friends instantly became enraged and swung for me. When I asked him what the hell his problem was he replied that his younger brother was epileptic and died in the bath many years ago.
Obviously I felt mortified as I didn't know about it, and said "I'm so sorry to hear that. Did he drown?"
"No," replied the guy. "He choked on a sock."
Thứ Tư, 26 tháng 12, 2018
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the two lovers and hides in the bedroom to watch.
The woman's husband comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says "Dark in here."
The man says "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice to know."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside"
Man - "Ok then, how much"
Boy - "$150"
Man - "Sold"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes it is."
Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."
The lover, remembering the last time asks the boy "how much?"
Boy - "$350"
Man - "Highway robbery. Sold"
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
They boy says "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The boy says "$500"
The father says "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... That is way more than those things cost.
I'm going to take you to the church so you can confess to your greed."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth with the Priest to confess his sins and he closes the door.
The boys says "Dark in here."
The Priest says "Don't start that crap again, you're in my closet now."
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