My grandma told me this one

An American, Irishman and Japanese man are sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly, something started beeping rapidly. The American pressed his forearm and the beeping stopped. He explained: that was my pager. I have a microchip installed in under my skin. A few minutes later, a telephone rang. The Japanese lifted his palm to his ear and answered. When he finished, he explained that he has a microchip installed in the palm of my hand. The Irishman, feeling very low tech, came up with a brilliant idea as to not be outdone. He left the sauna to go the...

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The doctor says to me, "I've got bad news and worse news"

Me: What's the bad news? Doctor: You've got 24 hours to live. Me: Then what's the worse news!? Doctor: I forgot to call you yesterday...

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I am giving up drinking alcohol for the month of January.

Edit: I am giving up. Drinking alcohol for the month of January. ...

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My wife and I were leaving for our night out.

Our babysitter smiled and said, 'Take as long as you like.' That was three years ago. I hope she likes being a parent....

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I scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.

I'm not sure what scared him more. My naked body or the fact I knew where he lived...

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I'm trying to find out what the lowest rank in the army is

But everyone keeps saying it's private...

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Support your local mailman

On John's last day as a mailman after 40 years serving the same neighborhood, the first house on his route gave him a nice gift envelope with $100 in cash. At the second house, they gave him a box of high-quality cigars. At the third house, they handed him a selection of great fishing lures. At the fourth house, he was met at the door by an attractive woman in her lingerie. She took him up to her bedroom and made fabulous love to him. When he was satisfied, she brought him downstairs to the kitchen, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, with...

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