"Forget everything you learned in college. You won't need it working here."
"That works out because I never went to college."
"Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here"
Chủ Nhật, 3 tháng 2, 2019
Husband, "Why are there torn condoms lying on sofa?"
Wife, "What? Where?"
Wife goes to find them and comes back angrily; saying, "Will you stop calling our children torn condoms?
Polish husband
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. One day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions;
Have you any grounds? Yes, an acre and a half and a nice little home. No, I mean what is the foundation of this case? It made of concrete.
I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge? No we have a carport, and not need one.
I mean, What are your relations like? All my relations still in Poland Is there any infidelity in your marriage? We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player. Does your wife beat you up? No, I always up before her.
Is your wife a nagger? No, she white.
Why do you want this divorce? She going to kill me.
What makes you think that? I got proof.
What kind of proof? She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put it on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: Polish Remover.
Oh, how nice (A joke from my 96 year old great-grandmother-in-law)
Two women are in the hospital. Their labor has started, but not progressed enough for delivery, so they are in a room waiting together.
"Is this your first child?" says the older woman.
"No," says the younger woman. "I have another."
"I have three." Continues the older woman. "After the first kid, my husband was so sweet. He bought me a diamond necklace."
"Oh, how nice." Said the young woman.
"After the second, he bought me a new car. He said I deserve the best."
"Oh, how nice." Said the younger woman.
"And after the third, he bought us a new house. It was expensive, but he said his family was worth it."
"Oh, how nice." Said the younger woman.
"So, what has your husband gotten you?"
"Well, we only have one child. After he was born, my husband thought I needed to clean up my language, so he got me lessons at charm school."
"Is that so?"
"Yes. Now instead of saying 'go fuck yourself,' I say 'oh, how nice'."
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