Guy Shows His Mom And Grandma Tesla's

Guy Shows His Mom And Grandma Tesla's 
Automated parking is cool (who likes parking, anyway?), but we're really here for the reaction from comedian and singer Lil Duval's mom.

March 20, 2019 at 10:20PM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2Cq7tT2

Read More

Welcome to the plastic surgery addicts meeting

I see a lot of new faces today.

Read More

I told my friend that "Last night there was a rear-end collision in my parking lot. After that, the drunk guy that hit the car gave me $800 and drove away". My friend asked me "Is that enough to fix it?"

I said "I don't care, it wasn't my car."

Read More

My girlfriend said if I turned off the light, I could stick it in her ass.

After I tried, she freaked out and told me never again.

I guess the bulb was hot.

Read More

A Syrian kid in France.

 A Syrian kid and his refugee family move to France. On his first day of school his teacher asks him "what is your name?". To which he politely responds, "My name is Abdul and I am from Syria (Middle-East accent)..She abruptly stops him and corrects him. 

"No! From now on you are French and your name is Jacque.". He ponders it over and agrees, you're right I am French now and my name is Jacque. Upon arriving home his mother asks him how his first day at school was? He abruptly stops her and tells his mother he is French now and that she needs to call him Jacque. She proceeds to beat the shit out of him and reminds him that he is Syrian and his name is Abdul. She also tells him to wait and see what his father thinks when he arrives. Upon arrival, and finding out, his father beats the shit out of him and reminds him that he is Syrian and his name is Abdul.
The next day at school, the teacher in shock asks him, "OMG! What happened to your face?!" He responds: "You would not believe it! Less than 2 hours after becoming French, I was brutally attacked by 2 Islamic terrorists!"

Read More

BJ for Sore Throat

"You don't look so good today, Bambi," said Barbie.

"You're right," said Bambi. "I feel like I'm coming down with something. My throat really hurts."

Barbie suggested, "You know, whenever I have a sore throat I give my husband oral sex and the next day I feel great."

Bambi carefully considered this. The next day Barbie noticed that Bambi looked better.

"You look much better today. Did you take my suggestion?"

Bambi replied, "I sure did. It worked great. And your husband just couldn't believe that it was your idea!"

Read More

A poor Irish family lives on a farm...

A poor Irish family lives on a farm and they rely on their single cow for income.

One morning, the father walks outside to find their cow dead.

"There is nothing that could help get us out of poverty now," says the dad as he shoots himself.

The mom walks outside and sees the dad and the cow on the ground.

"I can't live without my husband," she says as she shoots herself with her husband's gun.

The daughter walks outside and sees her mother, father and cow dead.

"I can't live any longer without my family," she says as she jumps into the river and kills herself.

The oldest son, 23 years old, walks outside looking for the family and sees them all dead.

"Is there anyway to bring them back," he yells at the sky.

Poof! A female leprechaun appears.

"I will bring your whole family back to life, even the cow," she says, "if you can fuck me 5 times in a row. If not I get to kill you."

The boy fucks her 3 times in a row and he dies.

The middle son, 19 years old, comes out and sees the leprechaun. She gives him the same offer as his brother.

"I will bring your whole family back to life, even the cow," she says, "if you can fuck me 5 times in a row. If not I get to kill you."

The son agrees to do it but can only do it 4 times. He dies.

The youngest son, 15 years old, comes out and is given the same offer.

"I will bring your whole family back to life, even the cow," she says, "if you can fuck me 5 times in a row. If not I get to kill you."

The son says, "What if I fuck you 10 times in a row?"

The leprechaun thinks. She says, "I will bring back your family and give you my pot of gold.

The son says, "What if I fuck you 20 times in a row?"

She thinks again and says, "I will bring back your family, give you my pot of gold and give you a mansion."

The son thinks and says, "What if I fuck you 30 times in a row?"

She thinks and says, "I will bring back your family and make you the richest man in Ireland."

The son says, "Wait, how do I know you will survive it?"

"What do you mean?" says the leprechaun.

"The cow didn't."

Read More