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Thứ Năm, 4 tháng 4, 2019

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Principal: 6+6.

Boy: 12.

The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.

Madam: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?

Boy: Legs.

Madam: What is in your trousers that I don't have?

Boy: Pockets.

Madam: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

Boy: Coconut.

Madam: What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?

The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge

Boy: Bubble gum.

Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.

Boy: Tent.

The principal was looking restless.

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.

Boy: Wedding ring.

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

Boy: Nose.

Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.

Boy: Arrow.

Principal: OH MY GOD.

Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you have to use your hand?

Boy: Fork.

Madam: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

Boy: Surname.

Principal: Ohooo!

Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?

Boy: Heart.

Principal: Eeeeeh!

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, "Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"

Being told I was going deaf...

was very difficult to hear.

A man and his wife are discussing what they think their son will be when he grows up.

“I have an idea,” says the father. He puts a ten-dollar bill, a bottle of whiskey, and a Bible on the coffee table. “If he takes the money, he’ll be a banker. If he takes the whiskey, he’ll be a wino, and if he takes the Bible, that means he’ll be a preacher.”

So the man and his wife hide just before their son comes in the door, and watch from where they’re hiding. The boy saunters over to the coffee table. He picks up the ten-dollar bill, looks at it, then sets it down. He picks up the bottle of whiskey, uncorks it, sniffs it, then sets it down. He picks up the Bible, leafs through it, and sets it down. Then the boy takes the money and stuffs it into his pocket, grabs the whiskey, and walks off with the Bible under his arm.

“Well, how do you like that!” exclaims the father. “He’s going to be a politician!”

While golfing, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.

A very attractive golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, "Are you okay?"

"I'm okay thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.

She said, "Come up to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later."

I noticed her silky bathrobe was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a very nice figure.

"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."

"Oh, come on now." she insisted. She was so pretty, and very, very persuasive. I was weak.

"Well okay," I finally agreed, "But I'm sure my wife won't like it."

After a couple of Scotch and waters, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better now. But I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I'd better go now."

"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, letting her robe fall slightly more open. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything.By the way,where is she?"

I replied, "Still under the cart, I guess"

...

When cashing out at the grocery store it was obvious my cashier was high, slow as hell, and insulting me under their breath.

I still don't know if I like self-checkout.

I lost my watch at a party once.

An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

If all people were like Redditors, we would have a better planet

Because Recycling old shit is what Redditors do best .

P.S.A - Do recycle ♻