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Chủ Nhật, 7 tháng 4, 2019

A Nazi walks into a bar

A Nazi walks into a bar, looks around, and notices an older orthodox Jewish man seated at a nearby table. Barman, he says, "A round on me, for all your patrons, but not for the old Jewish geezer right there."

As everyone in the bar receives their drinks, he looks directly at the Jew with a nasty little smile. Surprisingly the Jew nods his head and sends a warm smile back. The Nazi is somewhat miffed, as this was not the reaction he expected.

So he goes back to the bar

"Barman, a second round for everyone but him, and this time take it all from the top shelf" Nazi looks again at the Jew, and notices that he is STILL smiling back, and even warmer than before

"Is that Jew a complete fool or what?" he asks the barman.

Bartender responds: "Oh no my generous friend, that gentleman is my boss and the owner of the bar"

My wife hated that I didn’t have a sense of direction

So I packed my stuff up and right

Thứ Bảy, 6 tháng 4, 2019

A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman.

The General replied "1956, ma'am."

The woman, in disbelief, said "1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better."

The woman and General went back to her apartment and made passionate love for over an hour.

Afterwards, the woman cuddled up to the General and said "Well, you sure haven't forgotten anything since 1956..."

The General looked at her, confused, and replied "I sure hope not, it's only 2130 now."

Yo momma's so fat, she's like a Boeing 737 Max 8.

At the slightest sign of trouble, she throws herself at the ground screaming, killing all 300 people riding her.

After years of hard work in the gym as a personal trainer I finally admitted I wasn’t strong enough and quit.

I just handed in my too weak notice.

I always get sad when I crush my drink cans.

It’s soda pressing.

I wasn’t allowed in a fraternity in college because I was circumcised.

Apparently you need to be a complete dick.