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Thứ Hai, 15 tháng 4, 2019
Dirty sister
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and said, "That’s nothing; mine is already eating bananas."
Sam was at the bar
As it's now 4am he decided it was time to go home to his wife who he prayed was sleeping else he'd get in shit for being at the pub so late. So Sam went to stand up but fell over! Thinking to himself "my lord I'm drunk" he tried to stand up again but once again his legs gave out, he thought "screw it I'll just crawl to the door, I'm sure the fresh air will help" so he did that, and once he got to the door he breathed in a lung full of fresh air and tried standing up, just to fall over once again! He kept trying, but everytime yielding the same results. So after a few tries he thought "God damn I'm drunk, I'll just crawl home, thank God I only live 2 houses from the pub" so he crawls to his home and tries to open the door quietly, and pulls himself up and tries walking in...THUD...he falls over again "screw it I'll just pull myself up the stairs and crawl in bed, I'm sure Jen is sleeping, I'll be fine" So after struggling and finally closing the front door, he does just that, pulls himself up the railing of the stairs, crawls to his bedroom, pulls himself into bed and passes out. The next day hes woken by his wife, asking if he enjoyed his night out at the pub. He asked her how she knew? "Well I got a call from Tom, the barkeep, this morning. He told me you left your wheelchair at the pub."
A monkey walks up to the lion and starts taunting him
"You stupid jerk! You cannot do anything to me", the lioness looks at the lion hearing that and gets surprised of his lack of reaction.
The monkey goes on "Imma fuck your momma you stupid lion!", the lion keeps ignoring the monkey, so the lioness asks "honey are you going to allow this peasant disrespecting you? Aren't you the king of the jungle? Do something...", "Just ignore him" says the lion "he's just a stupid monkey that isn't worth our time".
"Yesterday I fucked your wife reaaaal good and she liked it!" shouted the monkey. "That's it" said the lioness "I'll teach him a lesson and then we'll have a serious talk about self respect" and went after the monkey who started swinging from a tree to the next.
The lioness kept running after the monkey, he swings to the left, she goes left, he swings to the right she goes right, and suddenly the monkey missed the branch by a bit and felt on the ground below a hole made of the tree roots. "gotchu" said the lioness as she pounced towards the monkey, who actually was waiting for this to happen, his small size allowed him to get through the hole, while the lioness got stuck. He swung behind her, and fucked her to his heart's content with a dirty smile on his face.
That evening the lioness retuned to her home silent, and when she saw the lion she said "you were right, I shouldn't had let that peasant's taunting get to me"... The lion hugged her understandingly and said "yeaaaah, you too got stuck in the roots didn't you? "
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