Scientists removed the right half of a man's brain...

...and then, they asked him to count to ten. The man counted, "two, four, six, eight, ten." Then they put the right half back and removed the left half, and again asked the man to count to ten. The man counted, "one, three, five, seven, nine." The scientists then removed both halves of the man's brain, and asked him again to count to ten. The man said, "look, we're gonna count to ten. We're gonna count. Because I know numbers, I have the best numbers. All the politicians in Washington can't count to one-believe me, I've counted to one many, many...

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A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work

A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, “Its dark in here.” The man says, “Yes, it is.” Boy ~ “I have a baseball.” Man ~ “That’s nice.” Boy ~ “Want to buy it?” Man ~ “No, thanks.” Boy ~ “My dad’s outside.” Man ~ “OK, how much?” Boy ~ “$250? In the next few weeks, it happens...

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My grandmother is over eighty and she still doesn't need glasses.

She drinks right out of the bottle....

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I only believe in about 12% of the bible...

I’m an eighthiest...

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What is Beethoven’s favourite fruit?

Ba na na na...

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My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records

Then I got kicked out of the library....

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It’s my cake day so a joke for everyone

A polar bear walks into a bar and the bartender says “What’ll it be today?” The bear says “give me a gin and.........................tonic” The bartender says “sure thing but why the big pause?” The bear looks down and says “I dunno? I was just born with them. “...

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