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Go to Blogger edit html and find these sentences.Now replace these sentences with your own descriptions.

Thứ Bảy, 20 tháng 4, 2019

Jesus is watching you

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, "Jesus knows you're here."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard "Jesus is watching you."

Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yes", the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you that Jesus is watching you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the parrot.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The same kind of people who would name a Pit Bull Jesus."

What does English teachers do on Reddit?

Edit: grammar

My wife told me I had a small penis, so I said it was big enough to hurt her.

“There isn’t a woman in the world that would be hurt by that thing,” she said.

I then showed her a video of me fucking her sister.

Living Off The Grid And Safe From Hurricanes In Puerto Rico


Living Off The Grid And Safe From Hurricanes In Puerto Rico
After Hurricane Maria devastated Puerto Rico, the Chaparros, like America's early frontier families, took matters into their own hands.

April 20, 2019 at 03:38AM
via Digg http://bit.ly/2IrAwuh

I haven't had sex since 1956

A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied "1956, ma'am." The woman, in disbelief said "1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better." The woman and general went back to her apartment and made passionate love for over an hour. Afterwards, the woman cuddled up to the general and said "Well, you sure haven't forgotten anything since 1956..." The general looked at her, confused, and replied "I sure hope not, it's only 2130 now."

The stork is the bird that helps deliver babies. What bird helps prevent pregnancy?

The swallow.

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that says “make my horse laugh and win $500”

So the guy has a couple drinks and asks about the sign. Bartender says the horse is in the back. So the guy goes back there and pretty soon the horse is laughing uproariously. Guy collects his $500 and leaves.

When he comes back next week, the sign has been replaced by one that says “make my horse stop laughing and win $500”. So the guy once again goes to the back and pretty soon the laughter is replaced by sobbing. The bartender says I’ll give you the $500 but you have to tell me how you did it.

So the guy explains that the first week he told the horse “my dick is bigger than yours”. The bartender asks “so what did you tell him just now?”

“Nothing, I proved it”.