Confessing your sins [NSFW i guess]

A guy who had done wrongs in his life went to church to confess He goes to the confessional and the priest asks him

P - What sins have you done, son?

S - I sinned, father, I went to send something to my sister in law and before going out it started raining, so i stayed in her house and things heated up and i fucked her

P - That's a big sin but I'll forgive you, son

S - Thank you father but i have sinned another time, i went to my mother in law to send her something and before going out it started raining, so i stayed in her house and things heated up and i fucked her as well

P - That's a second time so that's worse but I'll forgive you my son

S - Thank you very much father but i sinned another time, I finished work and before going out it started raining, the secretary and I got stuck in the building, things heated up and i fucked her as well!

The priest checks out of the window and sees that it had started to get cloudy and he says

P - You better get the fuck out right fucking now

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What happened in Hong Kong this week?

According to Beijing, it's as calm as a June Summer's day in Tiananmen Square.

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Two friends are having a chat in a bar.

Chris: Hey can I borrow a ten?

Kristen: sure.

Christen: Thank you.

Kris: Anytime.

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You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way. The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane... Only this time there were two people in the plane. The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"

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3 vampire brothers want to see who is the strongest

The first brother flies off at 100mph and comes back 10 minutes later. His mouth was covered in blood. “You see the mansion over there?” Said the first brother, “I sucked everybody in there dry.”

The second vampire said “That’s nothing” and flew off at 150mph and came back 5 minutes later with his nose and mouth covered in blood. “You see the village over there?” Said the second vampire brother, “I sucked everybody’s blood dry!”

The third vampire said “That’s nothing!” And flew off at 200mph and came back 10 seconds later, his whole face and shirt DRENCHED in blood. “Woah, what happened?” Said the first brother. “Well, you see that tree over there?” Said the third vampire. “Yeah?” Replied the other brothers, “I didn’t.”

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Watch Boxer Tyson Fury Dodge A Barrage Of Punches, En Route To Retaining His Lineal Heavyweight Title

Watch Boxer Tyson Fury Dodge A Barrage Of Punches, En Route To Retaining His Lineal Heavyweight Title
This slow-mo footage of Fury masterfully evading punches, thrown at him with precision, belongs in a museum. He eventually did win the match and retained his title.

June 17, 2019 at 05:00AM
via Digg http://bit.ly/2Imou48

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#2537: Do you have a vagina?

A woman hears a knock on the door and when she opens the door a man asks this.

Man: Do you have a vagina?

Woman slams the door in disgust

The next morning she hears a knock again and answers the door. The man asks the same question Man: do you have a vagina?

She slams the door again.

Later that night when her husband comes home from work she tells him what's happened the past 2 days. The husband says in a concerned voice "Honey I'm going to take the day off work tomorrow and stay with you incase that creep shows again".

The next day there is a knock at the door again, both the husband and wife rush to the door, the husband whispers " I'm going to hide behind the door, if he asks the question again say yes because I want to know where he's going with this"

The man asks again " do you have a vagina?" Woman answers " yes actually I have a vagina, why? "

The man replies " oh wow good! That means you can tell your husband to start using it and leave my wife's alone!".

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