Funny Story

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Thứ Năm, 20 tháng 6, 2019

A guy gets lost in the desert, he has food, water and his camel but no idea where he is.

As the days go by he gets hornier and hornier - he wants to fuck badly. So he tries to mount the camel but every time he is almost in, the camel pulls away. Day after day he tries, with the same result.

One day he comes across an airplane that's just crashed, the only survivor is a beautiful girl. He pulls her from the wreck, gives her food and water, and dresses her wounds.

Very grateful, she steps up close and whispers in his ear "I will do anything for you for saving my life, anything. Just name it".

"For the love of god, can you hold this camel still"

A woman goes to see her therapist...

The therapist kindly greets the woman. "What brings you here today?"

"I am absolutely terrified of random letters." says the woman.

The therapist had never heard of such a phobia before. "You are?"

The woman begins to scream.

"Oh, I see..."

The woman screams even louder.

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house.

A teenage boy was delivering papers to an apartment house. While there, a stunning young woman came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing only a robe. The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes of flirting, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"

Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It has to be your ears."

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100 percent natural. I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin, not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"

Clearing his throat, he stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming...that was me."

My wife just left me

because of my insecurities.

Wait, she's back. Just went out to pick the mail.

My roommate claims i’m schizophrenic.

Jokes on him, I don’t have a roommate.

The ghost busters enterd the hospital to see their friend who has been diagnosed with cancer

When they walk in they’re stopped by a doctor who says -Sorry no spawn camping

My doctor recently wrote me a prescription for daily sex.

My wife seems to think it's for dyslexia.