People asked me how I could tell them apart. It was simple, Jill colored her nails purple and bob had a cock
Thứ Sáu, 21 tháng 6, 2019
Kids in a class are learning how to use the word “definitely”
One girl says “the sky is definitely blue” that is wrong
One boy says “the leaves are definitely green” that is wrong
One boy asks “are farts lumpy?”
The teacher says no,
He says “then I definitely shit my pants”
Thứ Năm, 20 tháng 6, 2019
John decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Keith, so they loaded up John's minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard, so they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door, if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed." she explained. "And I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry." John said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared and they got on their way and enjoyed a great weekend of golf.
But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the golf weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, "Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our golf holiday in Scotland about 9 months ago?"
"Yes, I do." said Keith.
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes!" Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"
Keith's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"
"Well, she just died and left me everything."
An attempt at OC after one year on Reddit.
I slept with a girl that works at Amazon last night.
I got a text from her today that said: “People who slept with me also bought a STD kit and this 5 star genital wart cream.”
A soldier ran up to a nun.
Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later."
The nun agreed... A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?"
The nun replied, "He went that way."
After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria."
The nun said, "I understand completely."
The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!"
The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don't want to go to Syria either."
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