"If you ever come close to me, I'll fucking skin you alive. When we're sleeping, you don't fucking touch me. You hear me? Don't ever talk to me, either."
"Fucking great." I thought, "First day in here and I'm already married."
Thứ Ba, 25 tháng 6, 2019
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."
The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband and my life. I just want to go home."
Poof! The brunette gets her wish, and she is returned to her family.
The redhead says, "I've also been stuck here for years, and I wish I could go home, too."
Poof! The redhead gets her wish, and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.
The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"
The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."
Yesterday I met my friend from Slovakia.
He had just opened up a trampoline park near the border there, yet he seemed saddened by something when I walked in. He looked up at me with tired eyes so I asked him what was wrong:
‘What’s the matter?’ I asked. ‘There are many people here, surely business is doing well?’
He replied with a heavy sigh, ‘The ceilings here are too low and the young local people from around here can jump so high that they keep hitting the ceiling! What on earth am I supposed to do and what happens if the roof cracks!?’
The answer seemed simple to me, ‘Surely with all this money coming in you can pay someone to raise the ceiling - you must have enough to pay it off...’
He replied, still disheartened, ‘That may be true, but we’ve had an influx of visitors from across the border in Prague - they don’t tip well and I barely even break even when they come around!’
Resigned to his fate, taking a deep breath and looking down, he said to me: ‘The amount of local visitors may be through the roof but the Czechs keep bouncing.’
Thứ Hai, 24 tháng 6, 2019
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday.Everybody complimented him on how healthy, athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday.Everybody complimented him on how healthy, athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
"I will tell you the secret of my success," Grandpa said, "My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding day, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had an argument, or fight, the one who proved wrong would go outside and take a walk for 5 kms. Gentlemen, I have been walking in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."
One friend further asked, ‘But your wife is also slim and energetic?’
Grandpa said, ‘that is another secret, my wife use to follow me behind checking whether I go for 5 kms or sit in a park!!!
Đăng ký:
Bài đăng (Atom)