A father in law
Thứ Hai, 1 tháng 7, 2019
A Christian, a Muslim, and an Atheist all die
A Christian, a Muslim, and an Atheist all day the same day. They all approach the pearly gates where St. Peter awaits them. St. Peter calls the first man up and asks what religion he is.
“I’m a Christian” says the first man.
“Very well, continue on and you will be in room 16, just be really quiet near room 8” said St. Peter
The next man walks up and St. Peter asks what religion he was.
“I am a Muslim” says the man
“Very well, you will be in room 29, just be very quiet around room 8” replies St. Peter
The third and final man walks forth and St. Peter again asks what religion he was.
“I am an Atheist” answers the man
“Very well, you will be in Room 56, just be very quiet around room 8” says St. Peter
The man asks, “If I may, why must I be quiet around room 8?”
St. Peter replies, “Room 8 is where the Catholics are, and they think they’re the only ones here”
A couple both age 67, went to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse", and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would take an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90.The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from my medicare."
A man decides to treat himself one day and buys a ticket to the Superbowl.
He bought the ticket the day of and got a seat in the nosebleeds. He arrived a little late to the game and as he was entering the stadium he noticed a man with an empty seat right behind his teams bench. Ever the opportunist he walks over and asks the man if the seat's taken.
"It isn't actually," the man replies. "You mind if I sit there?" "It's actually supposed to be my wife's seat, we haven't missed a Superbowl in 30 years." The man then asks why she isn't with him. "Well, sadly she died quite recently." "I'm sorry to hear that." The man says. "But you couldn't find a single friend or family member to sit with you?" "Unfortunately not," the man says, "They're all at the funeral."
"The first thing you should know about working in a mortuary," the teacher said as he removed his latex glove and inserted a finger right up the ass of the body on the table, "You can't be squeamish." He then stuck his finger in his mouth.
The students grimaced as he motioned for them to line up and do the same.
When the last student had stuck their finger- right up to the knuckle, the teacher insisted- and stuck the finger in their mouth, the teacher said- "The second thing you should know about working in a mortuary is attention to detail. I stuck my middle finger in, but sucked my index finger."
The class was horrified. Some of them threw up.
"The third thing you should know" the teacher said as he picked up his briefcase "is that I don't work here."
"And the fourth thing you should know," said the man lying on the table with a smile, "Is that I'm not dead."
The Worm That Nearly Ate The Internet
The Worm That Nearly Ate The Internet
It infected 10 million computers. So why did cybergeddon never arrive?
July 1, 2019 at 06:55AM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2YnoHt7
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