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Thứ Tư, 3 tháng 7, 2019

Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob are sitting in a bar, enjoying beers.

Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take.

"Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes," the Dean says. "English, Math, Science, and Logic."

"Logic?" Jim asks. "What the hell is that?"

"Here, I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?"

Proudly, Jim responded, "Yes, I do."

"Well, if you own a weed wacker, then logically speaking you own a lawn," the Dean said.

"Yes, yes I do have a lawn!"

"Well, if you have a lawn, then logically speaking you own a house."

"Yes, yes I do have a house!"

"And if you have a house, then logically speaking you have a family."

"Yes, yes I do have a family!"

"And if you have a family, then logically speaking you have a wife. And if you have a wife, then logically speaking you're heterosexual."

"Yes, yes I do have a wife and I am heterosexual! Wow, I can't believe you found out all of that just because you knew I had a weed wacker!" Jim exclaimed.

"Yeah, that's what logic is," the Dean responded. Jim excitedly went back to the bar, awaited by Bob.

"Bob, I'm taking 4 classes in college. English, Math, Science, and Logic," Jim told Bob.

"Logic?" Bob asks. "What the hell is that?"

"Here, I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?"

"No."

"Then you're gay."

Professor X: what’s your super power?

Me: hindsight

Professor X: that’s not going to help us

Me: yes I see that now

If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, where are all the other genders from?

They were pulled out Uranus!

My girlfriend has the same first name as my sister

It makes it really weird when I'm fucking her and I think of my girlfriend.

On the first night of their honeymoon, the new bride tells her husband, "I have a confession to make. I'm not a virgin. I've been with one other guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods, the golfer." "Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that."

The couple then makes passionate love.

When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

"I'm hungry. I'm calling room service."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband drops the phone and makes love to his wife a second time.

When they finish, he goes back to the phone.

"What are you doing now?" she asks.

"I'm still hungry, so I'm going to ring room service for some food."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it one more time."

The husband puts the phone down and heads back to bed.

Exhausted after the third lovemaking session, he shuffles back to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this hole!"

Did you hear about the communist sniper?

He was an incredible marxman

What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A bad golfer goes ‘WHACK’ , “ah shit”. A bad skydiver goes “ah shit” , ‘WHACK’