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Go to Blogger edit html and find these sentences.Now replace these sentences with your own descriptions.

Thứ Hai, 8 tháng 7, 2019

A woman pregnant with triplets walks into a bank.

Suddenly, armed men storm in and try to rob the bank. A shootout occurs and the woman is hit by bullets several times.

Shortly after, the woman is brought to the hospital and gets emergency surgery. The surgeon is able to remove all bullets except three due to endangerment to the triplets.

The woman gets well soon and gives birth to three healthy triplets, two girls and one boy. The incident at the bank gets forgotten over the time.

Fourteen years later, one of the daughters comes to her mother, obviously upset: "Mommy, mommy!"

M: "What's the matter, sweetie?"

D: "I had to pee, but there was a 'pling' and I found a bullet in the bowl. "

M: "Don't worry, this won't happen again."

One week later, the second daughter runs to her mother, upset: "Mommy, mommy!"

M: "What's the matter, sweetie?"

D: "I had to pee, but there was a 'pling' and I found a bullet in the bowl. "

M: "Don't worry, this won't happen again."

Another week later, the son comes to his mother, also upset: "Mommy, mommy!'

M: "What's the matter, sweetie? No, wait, let me guess. You had to pee and found a bullet in the bowl?"

S: "No, but I was jerking off and shot the cat!"

Watch The Fastest Knockout In Ultimate Fighting Championship History


Watch The Fastest Knockout In Ultimate Fighting Championship History
Fighter Jorge Masvidal wasted no time and knocked out his opponent, Ben Askren, cold in just five seconds.

July 8, 2019 at 05:22AM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2S0zAir

Jack goes to his buddy Bob and says ... "I'm sleeping with the priest's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?"

The friend doesn't like it but being a buddy, he agrees. After mass,

Bob starts talking to the priest, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally the priest gets annoyed and asks him what he's really up to.

Bob feeling guilty, finally confesses to the priest...

"My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."

The priest smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Bob's shoulder and says...

“You better hurry home now, my wife died a year ago"

Two army boys, Leroy & Jasper....

Two Army boys, Leroy & Jasper, from the hills of Kentucky were promoted right from privates to Sergeants because of their great marksmanship with rifles.

Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, Jasper, There's the NCO Club. Let's you and Me stop in." "But we's privates," protests Jasper. "We's sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside. "Now, Jasper, I'm a gonna sit down and have me a drink." "But we's privates," says Jasper. "Are you blind, boy?" asks Leroy, pointing at his stripes. We's sergeants now, so hush your mouth!"

So they have their drinks and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Leroy. "You're cute," she says, "and I'd like to date you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea." "Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Jasper, go look in the dictionary and see what gonorrhea means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign."

So Jasper goes to look it up, comes back and gives Leroy the big okay sign. Three weeks later Leroy is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea.

"Jasper," he says, "why did you give me the okay sign?"

"Well Leroy, in the dictionary, it says gonorrhea affects only the privates." He points to his stripes. "But we's sergeants now!"

What do you call a group of 8 rabbits?

A rabbyte.

Chủ Nhật, 7 tháng 7, 2019

A man comes to the doctor and says, "m-m-m-my d-d-dick is so pressurized that I st-st-stutter."

The doctor tells him he will give him a dick transplant. He loses his 3-foot-long dick for a 4-inch-long dick.

He comes back in a week and says, "Now my wife wont have sex with me. May I have the old one back?"

The doctor replies... "A d-d-d-deal's a d-d-d-deal."

I was sitting on the toilet, exhausted, and late for work.

I thought, “I don’t have time for this shit.”