My girlfriend is like the square root of -100

A solid 10, but also imaginary.

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I have come up with a strategy to keep my kids from misbehaving around Christmas time. I keep empty wrapped boxes under the tree and when one of my kids misbehaves, I throw one in the fireplace

The situation changes however, when I run out of children

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When I was younger, I lived in a houseboat and started to date the girl next door.

Unfortunately we soon drifted apart.

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Why don't chinese kids believe in Santa Claus?

Because they make the toys.

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What's brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr Dre.

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Facebook is set to release its own webmail client...

...emails will be flagged as "Mark has read"

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They say that Christmas is a Pagan holiday, but...

A senior figure secretly dispensing the contents of his sack for every child he can get to sounds pretty Catholic to me.

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