What gender pronouns does a chocolate bar use?

Her/she!

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This Is The Beginning Of The End Of The Beef Industry

This Is The Beginning Of The End Of The Beef Industry
Alt meat isn't going to stay alt for long, and cattle are looking more and more like stranded assets.

July 31, 2019 at 10:23PM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2yoJTni

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I went to visit my old hometown the other day and found the house I grew up in. I knocked on the door and asked the owners if I could have a look around. They said "NO!" and closed the door in my face.

My parents can be such jerks sometimes.

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Girls, if a guy...

• Remembers your birthday
• Knows what you enjoy
• Saves your pictures
• Understands your family & friends

This guy is not your man, this guy is Mark Zuckerberg.

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A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.

Schwepped her off her feet.

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Doctor: I have bad news for you. You’ll have to take one of these pills for the rest of your life.

Patient: But... Doctor... you had given me only three pills!?

Doctor: I told you it was bad news.

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Edit: I can’t correct the title but it should say “... take one of these pills *each day** for the rest of your life”. Sorry!*

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My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.

So I took the battery out of the smoke alarm.

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