An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep husky voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a six-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?"

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "Well no! Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

(Sorry if anyone takes offence to this)

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What’s the difference between a piano, a can of tuna, and glue?

You can tune a piano, but you can’t piano a tuna

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My girlfriend broke up with me and I’ve been having a tough time getting over her. My friend said I should try having a one night stand, and I gotta say, it really helped!

The tissues are much closer to my bed now when I cry myself to sleep!

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A lawer, a surgeon, and a janitor are going on a camping trip...

when they discover a magical wizard. He says, "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The lawyer says, "Easy! I'll be a kindergarten teacher! How hard can it be to read to a bunch of little kids?" He gets transported into a classroom. He starts off strong, but after two hours, the kids' screams get to him and he gives up in frustration.

Next, the surgeon says, "I've got this! I'll just be a waiter, all they do is walk around with trays of food all day." He is transported into a restaurant. After three hours, the annoying customers drive him insane and he quits out of rage.

Finally, it's the janitor's turn. He says, "I'll be an artist for a day." So he is teleported into an art studio. He takes a bunch of random paint and junk from around the studio and makes an abstract painting which he sells for 100 million dollars.

In awe, the wizard asks, "Wow, that was amazing! How did you do it?"

The janitor replies, "I have a masters degree in art."

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A man and his wife are grocery shopping.

The man sees a case of beer on one of the shelves and puts it in the cart.

“What are you doing?” asks his wife.

“They’re on sale, only $10 for 24 cans.” he responds.

“Well, put it back. We can’t afford those.”

Without another word, the man obeys his wife and puts the case back on the shelf. In the next aisle over, the wife sees a bottle of facial cream and puts it in the cart.

“What are you doing?” the man asks.

“It’s my face cream and it’s on sale for $20. It makes me look beautiful.” she replies.

“So does a 24 pack of beer, and it’s half the price!”

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Yo mama is so fat, her alphabet starts with O

OBCD

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North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media

But every American knows that America is the best country in the world

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