He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said "Homer is fat, Lisa is smart and Marge has blue hair"
Thứ Ba, 27 tháng 8, 2019
I Gooped Myself
I Gooped Myself
I spent $1,279 of The Atlantic’s money on creams, crystals, and a vibrator from Gwyneth Paltrow’s wellness empire. Things got weird.
August 26, 2019 at 09:29PM
via Digg https://ift.tt/2NyO1d8
[first day as a pilot]
me: (looking down nervously) what are all these buttons for
co-pilot: they keep your shirt closed
A 60 years old billionaire came to the bar with his gorgeous 25 years old wife.
Friend : How did you marry her?
Billionaire : I lied about my age.
Friend : You said 45?
Billionaire : No, I said 90.
I walked in from work today and my wife was sitting on the sofa with my girlfriend.
I walked in from work today and my wife was sitting on the sofa with my girlfriend. I said “What’s going on?”
“You tell me?” replied my wife.
I said “I don’t know, you’re sitting on the sofa with a stranger.”
“A stranger, hey?” shouted my girlfriend, “I’m no stranger, we’ve been having sex for six months!”
I looked at my wife and said, “Is this true?
Contagious
At school one day, Little Johnny's teacher asks the class to use the word "contagious" in a sentence...
Cindy raises her hand. "Yes, Cindy?" She answers, "I was at the dentist's office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious."
"Very good, Cindy!" the teacher said, "Anyone else want to try?" Samantha raises her hand. "Yes, Samantha?" She answers, "My dad tells me not to yawn because then everybody else yawns. He says yawning is contagious."
"Excellent work, Samantha! Very creative," the teacher praises. "Okay, one more volunteer." Little Johnny raises his hand. "Yes, Johnny?"
"Well," he says, "I was helping my dad in the yard last week, and we saw the neighbor painting his house. He was using a small brush, so I asked my dad, 'Daddy, why is he using such a small brush?' and he says, 'I don't know son, but it's gonna take that contagious.'"
*OP's note: for those that don't get it... sound it out in two syllables.
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