A man goes on a business trip to Japan

In Japan, he picks up a hooker and they go all night long. The entire time they were making love she was excitedly shouting:

Hasimota! Hasimota!

Since the man obviously didn't know a word of Japanese, he concluded it was some sort of an excitement noise. The next morning he meets with a few japanese businessmen on a golf course. One of the businessmen makes a shot and, surprisingly, scores a hole in one. Everyone applauds and the foreign man, wanting to sound clever, shouts:

Hasimota!

The man who scored the shot turns to him and asks in confusion: "What do you mean 'Wrong hole!'?"

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(NSFW) I just heard a joke about Oedipus and Midas

It was Motherfucking Gold.

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According to my wife, I'm a terrible dad for not treating my kids equally.

I just don't understand it. I love James, Nicole and the fat, ugly one all the same.

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A woman is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in

Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror.

"Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!"

The wife, startled at her husband's violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.

"You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!"

The wife, concerned by the status of her husband's mental state,forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.

"WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY??? Where are we going to get the butter? They're going to stick! HURRY!"

The wife runs to the fri-

"CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don't you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the EGGS!"

At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do.

She gasps, "What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs."

The husband simply smiles and replies, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like while I'm driving with you in the car," and leaves.

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I haven't spoke to my wife in 7 years

I don't want to interrupt her

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My kids tell me that they want a cat for Chrismas this year.

We normally cook a turkey for Christmas, but if they want a cat, okay.

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The other day I walked in on my grandmother sucking my grandfather's d*ck.

I just find it weird that they didn't cremate it with the rest of him.

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