Him: I'm a soldier, on Call of Duty.
Thứ Ba, 12 tháng 11, 2019
A koala was sitting in a tree smoking a joint...
when a lizard walks up and says "Hey koala what are you doing?"
The koala answers "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
The lizard climbs up and the two share the joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is dry and excuses himself to a nearby river to have a drink.
The lizard, so stoned, leans over too far and falls in. A crocodile swims out to rescue him. When they get onto dry land, the croc asks, "What's wrong with you, lizard?"
The lizard tells him that he was smoking a joint with a koala, and he got too stoned and fell in while taking a drink.
The croc has to see this for himself, so he asks the lizard to take him to the koala. When they get back to the tree, the croc looks up at the koala and says "Hey, you."
The koala looks down and says "Shiiiit dude, how much water did you drink?"
Every morning when this woman's husband wakes up he let's a loud and horribly smelling fart.
She tells him over and over "some day you're going to fart your guts out!" Her husband just laughs and brushes it off.
This goes on for months until Thanksgiving comes around and she is preparing the turkey. The woman gets this idea. Her husband is still sleeping so she grabs the turkey guts, runs up stairs, pulls the covers and off slowly and puts the turkey guts in his underwear.
She heads back down stairs and finishes the turkey. An hour later she hears the husband's earth shattering fart and then a scream. About 15 mins goes by before he comes down the stairs.
"Honey you were right! I didn't think it could happen but today I woke up and farted my guys out. Luckily by the grace of God and these two fingers I was able to get them all back in"
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