Funny Story

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Thứ Sáu, 13 tháng 12, 2019

My girlfriend refused to have unprotected sex

I understand, she is deadly allergic to nuts.

I’m outta here!!

A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you...don't bother coming after me" Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction. After a short while, the husband comes home and she could hear him in the kitchen before he comes into the bedroom. She could see him walk towards the dresser and pick up the note. After a few minutes, he wrote something on it before picking up the phone and calling someone. "She's finally gone...yeah I know, about time, I'm coming to see you, put on that …… French nightie. I love you...can't wait to see you...we'll do all the naughty things you like." He hung up, grabbed his keys and left. She heard the car drive off as she came out from under the bed, seething with rage and with tears in her eyes. She grabbed the note to see what he wrote. "I can see your feet. We're outta bread; be back in five minutes."

I've developed a fetish for figuring things out.

I just came to that realization.

Today at the gym I asked a girl what her New Year's resolution was.

She said "Fuck you."

So I'm pretty excited for 2020.

I always knock on the fridge before I open it

Just in case there's a salad dressing

How do you get to the weight room at Hogwarts?

Through the Dumbell door.