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Thứ Sáu, 20 tháng 12, 2019

My friend said, "Congratulations on your new job. How did you get it?" I replied, "The same way the Virgin Mary got Jesus." He laughed, "A miracle?!"

I said, "No. Sex that I can't tell anyone about."

Is my Thai girlfriend really a guy?

Something inside me says yes.

I like my coffee how I like my slaves...

Free

A man and a woman, who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?  I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed. "Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!" 

After a moment of silence, he farted.

Guy at a grocery store: Are those genetically modified eggplants?

Store worker: Why do you ask?

Eggplant: Yeah, why do you ask?

TeamTrees reached their goal of 20,000,000 trees planted on the same day Trump got impeached.

Now millions of people can breathe easier.

Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster?

So we can think of a solution in silence.