My ex just donated her eggs and got $3,000! WTF?

I donated sperm and all I got was a weird look from the Salvation Army Santa.

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Billy's mom comes home. "Billy, what's wrong?" -"Dad hanged himself in the attic!" he said in tears.

The mother rushes to the attic in a panic, quickly followed by her son.
As she gets up to the attic, she notices that nothing is there, and little Billy started giggling.
HaHaHa! April fool's mommy!!! He hanged himself in the basement!"

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A photon tries to go through airport security fast, but is stopped. "Don't you have any luggage" asks the security agent.

The photon replies. "No I'm travelling light".

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My girlfriend changed when she became a vegetarian

Its like I had never seen herbivore

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My friend said, "Congratulations on your new job. How did you get it?" I replied, "The same way the Virgin Mary got Jesus." He laughed, "A miracle?!"

I said, "No. Sex that I can't tell anyone about."

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Is my Thai girlfriend really a guy?

Something inside me says yes.

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I like my coffee how I like my slaves...

Free

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