My Ex
Thứ Hai, 30 tháng 3, 2020
Bill Clinton likes to go for a walk every Saturday evening...
One evening, he passed by an alley, and a prostitute yelled at him, "Fifty dollars will buy you a good time!"
He responded by saying "How's about 5 dollars?", jokingly, and kept walking.
This same thing kept happening every Saturday for a couple weeks; every time Bill passed the prostitute, she would offer him her services for fifty dollars, and he would decline and say he'd only pay five. One evening, however, Hillary asked if she could come along on the walk with him, and Bill reluctantly agreed, nervous about what Hillary would say if the prostitute yelled at him again. They went on the walk, and when they passed the alley, to Bill's surprise, the prostitute was silent, and they continued on their walk. As they were about to round the corner, however, they heard the prostitute's voice from behind them,
"So that's what five dollars gets you, huh?"
A 7 yr old and a 4 yr old are in their bedroom...
The 7 yr old looks at his brother and says, "I think it's time we start swearing"
The brother nods in agreement.
"When we go downstairs, I'll be the first to swear and then you swear" says the 7 yr old.
The two brothers go downstairs and the mother asks what they want for breakfast.
"I'll have a bowl of cocoa puffs, bitch!"
The mother smacks the kid so hard that he flies out of his chair.
The mother asks the 4 yr old what he wants. Stunned, the 4 yr old says, "I don't know, but it won't be fucking cocoa puffs!"
A Russian, an Ameican, and a British admiral...
...were having a drink on an American aircraft carrier. They were talking about the bravery of their sailors.
The Russian said “ I will demonstrate the bravery of our sailors.” He calls a sailor over and says “Jump off the ship. Swim under it and climb back up”. The sailor promptly salutes and jumps off the flight deck, swims under the ship, climbs up the davits and stands in front of the admiral and salutes. The Russian says “ That gentleman is courage"
The American says that's nothing.He calls over a PO and says “ I want you to jump off the bows. Swim under the ship to the stern and then return" The PO salutes jumps of the bow swims to the stern and climbs back up to stand in front of the admiral and salutes. The American says “ That gentleman is courage"
The British admiral says “ That's nothing. Sailor come here" The matelot comes to attention and salutes. The admiral says “I want you to climb the highest mast on the carrier, jump off, swim under the boat from bow to stern and then from beam to beam then climb up the mast and do it again" The matelot looks at the admiral and says “You can fuck right off" The admiral turns to the other two and says “ And that gentleman is courage"
A woman walks into a doctor's office and takes off her shirt and bra, revealing an H-shaped rash. "Can you fix this rash?" asked the woman.
"Where did you get this rash?" asked the doctor. "My boyfriend is such a proud Harvard graduate, he insists on wearing his Harvard shirt when we have sex."
The doctor gives the woman a prescription for her rash, and the woman leaves.
Then another woman walks into the office and takes off her shirt and bra, revealing an Y-shaped rash. "Can you fix this rash?" asked the woman.
"Where did you get this rash?" asked the doctor. "My boyfriend is such a proud Yale graduate, he insists on wearing his Yale shirt when we have sex."
The doctor gives the woman a prescription for her rash, and the woman leaves.
Then another woman walks into the office and takes off her shirt and bra, revealing an W-shaped rash. "Can you fix this rash?" asked the woman.
"Let me guess," said the doctor, "your dating a Washington graduate?" "No, she's a Michigan graduate."
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