A guy sent me his nudes.

Pretty nuts, if you ask me.

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If any one on this sub is thinking of getting married soon, please consider this carefully

On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.

On the other hand, you don't.

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A hurricane is headed for a small town. The news says that everyone needs to evacuate. A religious man in the town says "I'm not going to leave my home, God will protect me".

The hurricane hits, and it's bad. There's mass flooding, and the police come to the man's door and tell him he needs to leave. The man says "I'm not afraid, God will protect me." The police give up and leave him.

The water rises in his house, so the man is forced to climb onto his roof. Just then a National Guard boat comes by and tells him to get in. The man says "I'm not afraid, my God will protect me" and refuses to get in the boat. Eventually the National Guard is forced to give up and move on to help others.

Then the man drowns.

When he gets to the pearly gates he meets God and says "God, why didn't you protect me?"

God sighs and says "I sent you the news, the police, and a boat. What fucking more do you want?!"

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What do Green Eggs and Ham and Fifty Shades of Grey have in common?

They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.

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Why was 69 afraid of 70?

Because they once had a fight and 71

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I am reading a horror story in Braille

Someone is gonna die, I can feel it.

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The Pope and Donald Trump are standing in front of a large crowd.

The Pope says to Trump, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that, with one wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope slapped him.

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