Funny Story

FunnyStory about animals and all around the world

Thứ Ba, 14 tháng 4, 2020

When is the best time to commit suicide?

Ate a glock in the morning....

A man asks his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?" She replied, "I'd take half then leave you."

"Sweet!", he replied. "I won $20. Here's $10. Now bugger off."...

I hated the quarantine at first. Then I realized I have everything I need at my house, and I slowly started loving the isolation.

Probably it’s stock home syndrome....

I work in a hospital, and I found a rectal thermometer in my pocket today.

Some asshole must have my pen....

Aspirin

A man comes home to his wife with a jar of aspirin. "honey, I got you this aspirin" "but I don't have a headache" "great, let's fuck"...

Attitude Adjustment

Mary received a parrot as a gift. The parrot was fully grown with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was profanity; those that weren't profanity were, to say the least, rude. Mary tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words and playing soft music, anything she could think of. Nothing worked. She yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. She shook the bird and the bird became even madder and ruder. Finally, in a moment of desperation, Mary put the parrot in the freezer to get a minute of peace. For...

A man walks into a bar carrying a plastic bag

The Bartender asks, "What's in the bag?" The guy doesn't reply. Instead, reaches into the bag and pulls out a lamp, a tiny stool, a tiny piano, and a tiny man in a tuxedo that appears to only be a foot tall. The guy sets the piano down in front of the stool, and the tiny man sits on it and starts playing the piano. The bartender is amazed, and so he asks the guy, "Where the fuck did you get this?" The guy replies, "I asked this genie. You can ask for something if you want, but be careful, he don't hear very well." The bartender greedily snatches...