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Thứ Tư, 6 tháng 5, 2020

which country was the first to get coronavirus?

China, they got it right off the bat.

A woman in labor suddenly shouted: Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didnt! Can't!

"Dont worry" said the docter,"Those are just contractions"

The lesbian couple across the street allowed me to see them have sex for my birthday.

It's a beautiful and very thoughtful experience, but I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.

I can cut a piece of wood in two pieces just by looking at it.

It may seem impossible, but I saw it with my own two eyes

I'm a proud anti-vax mother of 4 beautiful children

Edit: 3 beautiful children

Edit: 2 children

Edit: A proud widow of a child

Lads if you are bored! Phone up women's rights groups...

And ask to speak to the man in charge.

A Polish man moves to America and marries an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well. Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick." The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"

POLE: "JA, JA, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms."

LAWYER: "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

POLE: "It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," he responded.

LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"

POLE: "No," he replied, "we have a two-car carport, and have never really needed one."

LAWYER: "I mean, What are your relations like?"

POLE: "All my relations are in Poland ."

LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

POLE: "Yes, we have hi fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

LAWYER: "No, I mean Does your wife beat you up?"

POLE: "NO, I'm always up before her."

LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?"

POLE: "NO, she white."

LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?"

POLE: "She going to kill me."

LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"

POLE: "I got proof."

LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"

POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at the drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read -- it says, 'Polish Remover.'"