One night, a man and a woman meet at a bar

. After a drink or two, they start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors attending an out-of-town medical conference. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight-no strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." Considering that the man looked and acted pleasant enough, the woman doctor agrees to it. The two go to her hotel and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom, undresses, preps, and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and gets into bed. They have foreplay for 20 minutes and *** for 30 minutes or so. Afterwards, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?" "Yeah, how did you know?" The man says, "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started." "Oh, that makes sense", says the woman. You're an anesthesiologist aren't you?" "Yeah", says the man, a bit surprised. "How did you know?" The woman answers, "Because after you poked me, I didn't feel a thing."

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Do not use “beef stew” as a computer password.

It is not stroganoff.

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My wife is leaving me because she’s fed up with me talking like a news anchor.

More on this story later...

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A woman answers a knock at the door at 3pm and a man asks if she has a vagina

She slams the door, waits and watches the man leave.

The next day, at 3pm once again, she hears a knock at the door and there stood the man once more. "Do you have a vagina?"

The woman slammed the door in his face and watched him walk off through the blinds.

Growing more disturbed, she told her husband, who decided to take the day off work in hopes of seeing the man and handling the situation.

Sure enough, the next day at 3pm, there is a knock at the door. "That's him," the wife says. The husband tells her, "Open it. I'm going to hide. I want to see where he is going with this."

The woman opens the door and the man asks, "Do you have a vagina?"

After some hesitation, the woman answers, "Yes."

The man then tells her, "Why don't you let your husband use it so he'll leave my wife's alone?"

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A man rushes into the doctors' office and screams, "Doctor, Doctor! I swallowed one of those 'do not eat' packets in a bag of pepperoni! Am I going to die?" The doctor tries to relax him by saying, "Well, everyone is going to die eventually."

The man shrieks and responds, "Everyone?! Oh lord, what have I done?"

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‌‌A b‌‌loke b‌‌umped i‌‌n t‌‌o m‌‌e o‌‌n t‌‌he t‌‌ube t‌‌he o‌‌ther d‌‌ay a‌‌nd s‌‌aid, "‌‌Remember L‌‌eonardo D‌‌i C‌‌aprio."

Then t‌‌he s‌‌ame f‌‌ella f‌‌ollowed m‌‌e h‌‌ome f‌‌rom t‌‌he p‌‌ub a‌‌nd s‌‌aid, "‌‌Remember L‌‌eonardo D‌‌i C‌‌aprio."

Things t‌‌hen g‌‌ot o‌‌ut o‌‌f h‌‌and w‌‌hen h‌‌e t‌‌apped o‌‌n m‌‌y w‌‌indow a‌‌t 1‌‌1.30 t‌‌hat n‌‌ight a‌‌nd s‌‌aid, "‌‌Remember L‌‌eonardo D‌‌i C‌‌aprio."

I t‌‌hought, "‌‌That's i‌‌t, I‌‌'m g‌‌oing t‌‌o t‌‌he P‌‌olice."

I t‌‌old t‌‌he o‌‌fficer I‌‌ w‌‌as b‌‌eing s‌‌talked a‌‌nd h‌‌e a‌‌sked i‌‌f I‌‌ c‌‌ould t‌‌ell h‌‌im a‌‌nything a‌‌bout t‌‌he m‌‌an.

I s‌‌aid, "‌‌Yes, h‌‌e r‌‌eminds m‌‌e o‌‌f L‌‌eonardo D‌‌i C‌‌aprio."

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There are three stages of sex after marriage:

1. Tri-weekly.
2. Try weekly.
3. Try weakly.

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